Jonathan's Journal

i worked nearly 42 hours in 4 days this week and boy am i beat. time to go to the bar and drink with my coworkers. right now im going on 3 hours of sleep after an 18 hour day. this should be interesting...

everyday i witness more and more horrible driving. bah! if you dont know how to merge from an on ramp you are stupid. period.

its the first day of school and i am not going to class. its odd and kind of sad. i wish i was still an official student somewhere and in some capacity. i know i will be again, because a b.a. in sociology just wont pay the bills. maybe it was today that i finally realized, in some hidden fissure deep down in my brain, that i may actually be an adult...

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cancer sucks. as in the disease, not the zodiac sign.

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so these new guys at work are really dumb people: they are high school drop outs. now, if there is one personality that really agitates me it is the know-it-all guy who knows nothing about what they are actually talking about and is stupid on top of it. example: new guy tells customer about sometimes getting 15 hour days and his imaginary experience with a long work day at this job. it was his third day on the job and no such thing had ever occurred. i think that i need to create a new frame of mind, to not dislike (hate is too strong) these guys for being dumb. but man, when those guys break something cause they just suck, it sure is gonna be hard. there is no point to anything i just wrote, it is just a rant and relieved pent up frustration. kinda.

Current Music: radiohead - national anthem

lets get it on!

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i finally have a respectable resume, i think. in the last year i have been abroad, had an internship, and received a degree. hopefully i will have another job title to add to it soon. wish me luck!

(or not)

Current Mood: excited

i just received an email from Lal, who i met in nepal. he "taught" us nepali and showed us around the valley for the first week we were there in kathmandu. he emailed a group of people, wishing us a happy friendship day. this is the first email/response i have received from anyone from that trip and i am totally psyched right now. there is finally proof that it wasnt all a dream. and its only been 13 months for some evidence to surface. it is really frustrating to take such an amazing trip and not be able to communicate with anyone that i met over there. i have so many questions for Lal, and now i might be able to get some of them answered. fuck yeah!

Current Mood: surprised
Current Music: incubus - stellar

tminus one week until my interview in chicago. can you feel my anticipation?

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i miss dinkytown. even though it was time for me to move away, i still wish i was there at times. there isnt so much blatant debauchery here in the burbs. i have become very used to the craziness that could be found literally right outside my window. after all, my sixth roommate for a year was a kegorator. now, all i can hope for is a violent thunderstorm to draw me to my window for a peek.

but not all is lost and i remain optimistic.

The first line in the foreward of 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C Clarke:

"Behind every man now alive stand thirty ghosts, for that is the ratio by which the dead outnumber the living."

What a way to start a book! I find it such a profound thought, especially in the context of the book; it is a book about the future and the unknown. I dont really know what to think about that line. Maybe it makes me think about the greatness of the past, of all the things We (humans, life, earth, etc) have accomplished, and that we arent done. We still face more evolution and endless growth. Fuck, I dont know. I think this may be a line I revisit at times when I am languid and unmotivated, to kick start me into doing something, anything, everything.

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"Its part rock and roll, and part ninja."

Current Mood: curious
Current Music: 2001: A Space Odyssey Main Title (Sprach Zarathustra)

trivial pursuit question: "what was the motto to be found on president harry s trumans desk?"

me: "drop it like its hot."

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so far i havent killed myself yet. being at home hasnt been that bad. i have less than 2 weeks til my interview in chi town and allegedly one more week after that til i will hear back from them about the success/failure of my interview. so, i will know my future in about a month, and while i am in limbo i think im just gonna relax, knock off some books, maybe learn how to cook some new stuff. going out is kind of a pain now, but it will keep me from getting too drunk. yesterday i drove 110 miles and i was all over the city, and today it took me over an hour to get home from work. i think that if you cause a serious accident during rush hour your license should be revoked cause you are obviously stupid. this state is full of horrible drivers and im getting sick of it. wisconsin and iowa must send all their bad drivers here, it is the only good explanation to why there are so many HORRIBLE HORRIBLE drivers.

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wait, we cant stop here. this is bat country.

Current Music: Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas Soundtrack

last night a gyro saved my life

ok, i said i wasnt going to go to sally's on wednesday. i caved. got g'd up, went out with the guys, so a lot of people there, and got pretty drunk. overall the night was good. but then we went to mediterranean deli...what an incredible gyro! what a great way to wrap up my dinkytown experience. soon ill be back in the burbs where the nearest somalian owned business will be too far away for a 2:30 late night meal. it was a good run.

i downloaded iio's newest album, poetica. its some techno/trance stuff. the female vocals are really good and overall it is a pretty good album. i was falling asleep to it the other night and found myself, surprisingly, turned on. what a sexy voice. its haunting and ,just, hot for a lack of a better adjective.

Current Music: iio - be it

"Gross National Happiness"

just wasting time. ive been doing that a lot lately. unfortunately i have been waiting for things to happen. ive set certain things in motion, but now i just have to wait for em. being idle sucks and it seems that over the last four years, while at school, i have become pretty damn good at it. i keep expecting something big to happen, something that is gonna change my life, even if it is only temporary. things like that have occurred, but their presence is transitory leaving only memories or maybe a bill to be paid. do i go out of my way to find that "something" or do i wait for it to find me? i think there is two schools of thought on this: the life is too short thinking and the idea that trying too hard just exacerbates the situation. this is really just a huge can of worms that i dont think i want to deal with right now.

i got really caught up in a show on the travel channel called himalaya, hosted by michael palin (monty python guy). he spent a substantial amount of time traveling about the himalayas talking with locals, observing the different cultures, and the like. bhutan, which is probably one of the last untouched areas of the world, has (according to the show) a general belief in "gross national happiness" which supersedes the importance of their gdp. that kind of thinking is what we need here. but, bhutan is a bhuddhist country where this is thinking is very possible and america is a christian country where happiness is having an expensive rock on your hand and a piece of luxury sitting in your carhold. i think i want to be in bhutan right now.

i have a great sense of humor and at times i find things much funnier than they probably are. this may be one of those occasions. i changed my facebook pic to this, because every time i see it i laugh and i laugh. i saw this on cnbc at the end of trading at the nyse.

Current Music: your time has come - audioslave

Went up north to AJs cabin for the weekend with Ben and Jeremy. It was a good time. It was an opportunity to get away from life for about 48 hours. The best part was that I really did just leave all my worries here. I didnt carry my cell phone out with me, I didnt think about work, and I didnt think about my impending move back home (which will be a hiatus from my regular, established social life). Kickin it with good friends with nary a care in the world for a weekend was just a great time. Ben got so drunk that I told the locals that he was slow, as in slightly handicapped. I think it worked and I got a free bottle of water and a whole pizza. It was still hot up there, but I didnt wake up completely drenched in sweat either, which was a plus. I tried something new and enjoyed it. How can you beat that?

That save a horse ride a cowboy song is so immensely stupid. Seeing a mass of people just going crazy listening to that song was kind of disturbing. Im not knocking people who like the song, because I may actually be in the minority, but personally that song does not arouse any sexual urges in me whatsoever. In fact, it is anti sexual stimulation. It makes me wonder what goes through a girls (not womans, but girls) head when she is waving her hand in the air and riding an imaginary cowboy while this asinine song plays on stage. I think I needed to rant upon this subject because I have not heard any one else express a similar opinion.

Interview in Chicago in 28 days.

You do not know what a year in Japan would mean to me.

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Air: from Orchestral Suite No.3 in D Major

i think i have a new, personal pickup line for the ladies:

"you know what? i can take your bra off with one hand."

i dont think it would work, unless they had a really good sense of humor or were really drunk. despite my better judgment i might have to try it out...sometime...probably while completely incapacitated off of cheap drinks.

Current Mood: hot, but not angry
Current Music: Telepopmusik - Breathe

cogito
this last semester i have been very inspired to learn, learn about everything. having read some classics, which were products of the renaissance, i have been inspired to learn latin. even though i took the class i have tried to create a wall that has blocked out the sour taste it left in my mouth and two d+'s it left on my apas report. but now i want to learn it again. i have several collections of latin writings that i want to be able to read. this kind of learning hopefully will produce dividends in the future, as im sure it will. if i can learn to read and write latin at a semi proficient level i think i will be able to do away with all the times i bad-mouthed latin.
i still love you Latin, even if you are a ruthless bitch!

Current Music: Offspring - Gone Away

and so a small light appears at the end of the tunnel. i will have the opportunity to go to a job interview in chicago for the teaching english in japan job. im confident that i can get it, but i dont really know what my chances are. even if it didnt work out the whole interview experience will be good for me. since i have to go to chicago to do it too, it adds a little more pressure; it makes it more special, professional. if i landed this gig i would be elated. to get the chance to live in japan for a year...holy shit that would be awesome. im not getting my hopes up too much, but i need to maintain some confidence in myself so when i interview i act confident that i can actually pull this off.

we are also attempting to make a tv show for public access. so far we have a lot of ideas, which are all original ideas (making it all that much better). filming should start soon. ive been going out too much lately. going out isnt the problem, but spending money when i go out is. filming this show will give us opportunities to get out and avoid spending money at the same time.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Heiruspecs - Heartsprings

good times
i've been hanging out with a lot of people lately and seeing a lot of friends. its good that i am not completely enslaved to my job. i was able to catch up with some people i hadnt seen in a while and hang out with some people probably a little too much this lasts week and a half (just kidding). im happy in that respect, but im not doing anything that is bettering my future. basically i just need to find a job. doing that will help ensure the direction of my living situation, traveling situation, and my plans for a future. i need to get on that...like right now. if i wasnt going out with friends right now i would so be looking for a job.

Current Music: The Doors - Break On Through

i gotta get out of this place. all that i know is here but i need to get out. god damn it is frustrating.

Current Music: Atmosphere - Gods Bathroom Floor

rain rain rain
i like the rain. im not sure exactly why. maybe it is the rhythm or the sound of the drops that i enjoy. when i was in nepal, one of the most profound moments i may have ever had occurred while i was walking in the early monsoon rains. in 5th grade i listened to arrested development do a song about the rain, with some of my favorite lyrics being:"without the rain theres no me and theres no you" & "i feel rain enhances a revolution." i like water, and why not? my body is made of whatever percent of water so being doused by my very essence shouldnt be that unejoyable. but i must concede that the context of being rained upon is important too. walking across campus tonight through the rain was a source of motivation, a swelling of happiness, and a release all at the same time. i wonder why?

Current Mood: tired yet optimistic
Current Music: Slum Village - Tainted

right now im finishing up aristotles, the politics. excitingly boring stuff from c350 bc (which i think is important to remember; the context of the time it was written). here and there i do find some interesting phrases and ideas:

"For the real difference between men and other animals is that humans alone have perception of good and evil, right and wrong, just and unjust." I, 2

"...it must be that nature has made all things specifically for the sake of man." I, 8

"wealth is a tool and there are limits to its uses as to the tools of any craft." I, 8

"But a state is something more than an investment, its purpose is not merely to provide a living but to make a life that is worth while." III, 9

"...equality over the whole number of citizens is the democrats' aim, and equality among equals is not only just but advantageous." V, 9 - [small 'd' democrat]

there are other good ideas, like finding a middle way, educating the populous, avoiding tyranny. the fact that people were thinking like this over 2000 years ago is fascinating. thought can evolve so much over time, but in many ways it can stay the same. for example, look at the christian church and how they sanctioned war. first it was a pacifist movement, then they were a little more aggressive, then the crusades came along, now we have a war against terrorists (muslims) lead by the american democracy/freedom/capitalistic/christian way of life. that is a bit of over simplification, condensing 2000 years of christianity into one sentence...but there are still a lot of aristotles ideas that make sense today. that is awesome, dude.

Current Mood: eager to learn boring stuff

oh, and one more thing: its been emotional.

it crossed my mind today that i have not cried in a while. throughout high school i only cried a handful of times: my last soccer game, my last 300 im hurdles race, the night i found out my grandma died. during my college years i cried when my grandpa died and my dog. i cried during my incredible relationship-turned-sour too many times than i would like to admit (mostly cause a lot of them happened when i was extremely drunk). for me crying is a release of emotion; like sam says in garden state, "i look forward to a good cry." but i havent cried lately, not in a sober state anyway. i dont know if that means my life is just kinda meaningless right now. i feel empty, cause i really have nothing to cry about right now. that sucks. i want to be passionate about something, enough so that if i lost it i would cry. i think i just really hate the feeling of apathy and numbness. i like to feel emotions inside me, whether they be negative or positive. it is a sign of, i dont know...something good. emotions are good because they prove you are alive, and that you care about something.

suppressing your emotions just messes you up. let it out and have a good cry. now i just need to heed my own advice...

Someone falls to pieces
Sleeping all alone, someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence, she finally drifts away
Someone gets excited in a chapel yard and catches a boquet
Another lays a dozen white roses on a grave

And to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Someone finds salvation in everyone, another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself, down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love until the end of time, another runs away
Separate or united, healthy or insane

And to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
-audioslave

Current Music: The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It

imagine
imagine, this time last year i was in nepal. i was sitting on an orphanage floor in balaju eating dal bhat with my hands right now a year ago. it is strange to think that i could not go back there today. it is in such disarray that it would be really dangerous to go now. i was there when the violence started to pick up and the chaos began to grow. i probably should have been more scared there, but i walked around with a brave ignorance. i have not talked to one person that i interacted with on that trip. people gave me wrong email addresses, and my postcards never even made it back to the u.s. that i send. it is amazing how such an influential trip could be so much to one person and then to share it with others it would be so hard. i wish i could share it with everyone but it doesnt really work like that.

Current Music: John Lennon - Imagine

oh man...
i just realized this is a blog. fuck. i hate seeing stuff on cnn about blogs. when i see that idiot from the mn daily's editorial page talking about blogs as a source of info it makes me want to knock out a glass window with my face. i don't want this to be in the same league as the things they reference on cnn or on sean hannitys talk radio show. im not a blogger. why do "bloggers" get any attention? they are just people. now that you can access someones opinions 24/7 that makes them a legitimate source of info? or on the other hand, they weren't before? this is not a soapbox rant. this is me talking to me in a therapeutic typing session which will be stored in a computer system for myself to read later.

i applied for a job in japan today teaching english. i really hope i get it.

Current Mood: A Little Distresed About Life
Current Music: The Bravery - An Honest Mistake

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